Couple's Full Load Leaves No Room for Time Together

Oct 27, 2023

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter (age 21) has made a series of bad choices and failed relationships since she was 16. She went to college and quit (twice), joined the Air Force and hated it, but managed to get a “general discharge.” At age 19, she had a baby with a high school dropout and violent drug abuser. They’ve had an on/off relationship. He has pushed, shoved and outright hit her, destroyed two of her phones, hit her sister and smashed her phone. He took my daughter's car while fleeing the police, leaving her and the baby stranded. We have paid countless sums of money for an attorney and sent her more to get her car. She has lied and deceived us on her relationship status. We wanted to believe our daughter.

Now they are back together! We sent the police for a wellness check, and they say she is OK. As you can imagine, we are heartbroken. Our other children are doing well and keep me sane. When people ask about our kids, what do we say about her? I want something simple to end the questioning. “She’s back with her loser boyfriend, and I don’t know where or what she’s doing”? Is there any hope to make peace in our family? -- WEARY MOM IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WEARY MOM: When asked about your daughter, either tell the questioner your daughter is back with her boyfriend (omitting the fact that he is a drug-abusing, violent loser) or be truthful and reveal that you are "estranged." You do not have to go into more detail than that. You may find, to your surprise, that the questioner has a similar family situation. As to whether there’s hope that your daughter will finally reunite with the rest of the family, it may take a long time, but at some point, she may decide to do that. However, it may not happen until her boyfriend starts to abuse their child.