Tribute to Late Wife Upsets Current Spouse

Dec 10, 2023

DEAR ABBY: I've been in a relationship with a wonderful man for two years. He’s a minister. He and his late wife used to travel all over the world spreading the word. I’m from a less conservative, more spiritual background. I attend an all-denominational church that accepts everyone. My views on politics are also different from his. He constantly quotes the Bible and believes I’ll go to hell if I don't follow the word of God daily. I was baptized Pentecostal at a young age, but that is not something I believe anymore, and his constant preaching is exhausting.

I am a strong woman, and I have voiced how I feel about this. He's the best man I've ever been with. He’s kind, considerate, loving, helpful and loves my family. I am recovering from Guillain-Barre syndrome, and he has helped me walk, helped out in the business and has been so good to me. I am now mostly recovered, and everything would be perfect except for politics and religion. Is there any hope for us? -- DISCORDANT IN COLORADO

DEAR DISCORDANT: Successful relationships (and marriages) are based on communication, mutual respect and boundaries. This man may be saying you’ll go to hell if you don’t live the word of God daily -- I would love to know exactly what he means by that -- but if his quoting chapter and verse repeatedly makes you uncomfortable, living with him must be a different kind of hell. While some couples are able to negotiate around their political and religious differences, please remember these are two topics that cause many marriages to fail. It would be wonderful if you can work out a compromise. But unless this man can accept you for who you are and refrain from trying to change you, keep him as a friend and nothing more.